So I know there are a whopping 7 of you who actually read this blog and are anxious to know what my news is. So here it goes…
After much thought, debate, personal struggle, weighing pros and cons, prayer, and sleepless nights, I have decided to resign from the Peace Corps. I can’t believe these words are actually coming out on paper but there you have it. If you are reading this I’m already back in the States and you may have even already seen me or talked to me, but nonetheless I feel I should express my reasoning behind this sudden decision.
Some of you may be asking...but Celeste, it’s only two years why not just suck it up and finish? (P.S. I did that once…it was called the Air Force) I thought you were a completest? I thought you wanted to help people, see the world, and learn Spanish? If you are asking these questions or any other similar question, you are correct. But I have already asked myself these same things about 250 times and lost a lot of sleep doing so.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved Peru and the PC…the people, my host family, my town, the food, the struggle with Spanish, and the view (just to name a few). I also knew some things were missing…like my Christian community, peanut butter, (jk that’s no reason to leave whatsoever no matter how good it tastes.) and most importantly my heart for the program…this was the biggest one by far. I loved my host family and living Peru and heck…even bucket bathing and eating potatoes if it came down to it. But…
I hate it took me so long to really realizing this…but I have never really been interested in the health field (and probably never will be…the rest of my family got that gene I guess) and that’s what program I was in…. health. I thought it would eventually come…a heart for working in health. I thought through training and my passion to help those in need I would find my groove and become an affective volunteer in the health program. But after a month I still cannot find motivation to work on the goals I have been given by the PC. So I have found it to be unfair to my new community, the Peace Corps, and myself. All three deserve to better. I hastily joined the PC and I am swiftly ending it even though this has been a wonderful experience, ultimately it was no the right fit for me. I freaked out to be honest. I had just graduate and all those doors to choose from were one by one closing. Then I got my invite to Peru and what can be more appealing to an adventure seeker like myself than the jumping on the opportunity to live in Peru for two years. All the pros seemed to outweigh the cons. But here I am…back in the U.S. I only have one life to live and I know I shouldn’t waste another minute of it doing something I only enjoy because of travel and my days off. I want passion and heart. I don’t want to ever do anything half hearted again. I did that in the Air Force…I’m 26 I need to find better use of my time.
I am sad and this is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I didn’t want to say goodbye to other Volunteers, my host family, or the amazing travel opportunities I was going to have. But I also can’t spend the next two years unmotivated skating on the gov’t’s dime just because I want to travel, hang out with my new friends in Peru, and experience new things with my Peruvian family. That’s selfish but then again maybe leaving was selfish. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I left a whole community behind that could really use my help. But they deserve someone whose whole heart is in it. I’m not sure if this really begins to explain my heart and intentions but I know when I swore in as a volunteer I did have the best intentions but intentions get you absolutely nowhere. Not a half hearted attempt to just get by but someone who genuinely cares about the health and well being of the community and is driven to do great things in Socosbamba. I will pray one day an amazing volunteer comes along and changes that town forever.
I am also excited and I feel I am making the right decision for me. I hate I left…I don’t give up. I just don’t. I wanted to finish, I really did. But I don’t want this to be two years I have wasted just because I feel I HAD to finish. This time I’m going to suck up my pride and do what I know I have to…even if it is hard. I know I am human and I make mistakes…lots of them. But I thank my Father for loving me anyway.
I know God has great plans for me and I will be patient as He points me in a new direction. I already know doors are going to open up for me. Can’t wait to see where life will take me next. I trust the Lord to guide me with every single step.
Don’t unsubscribe to this blog it maybe something totally different in only a matter of time.
Keep pressing…I will be! J
Love you all and this time I really will see you soon!
Celeste
